Seduction by the Mind Invaders

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Seduction by the Mind Invaders

Nightx1221
This post was updated on .
The hero world has never been in this much peril before as a new breed of enemy has come to take over, starting with their bodies and minds.  A secret cult hidden from the radar has been secretly converting these heroes and turning them into their followers.  Reports believe that the heroes are being injected with a special Neuron Chip, and once the chip is infused, it is almost impossible to turn them back into their regular selves.  This is a disturbing reality as of late, and nobody knows who one is or not.  

Two superheroines, Mystic Avenger and Majestic Maiden have come to a recently discovered location where there is said to be a group of these mind invaders.  Mystic Avenger is fairly new to the superhero business, but is also a pure woman, never having soiled her body with sex, drugs, smoking or drinking.  She has never even listened to music.  Her counterpart is more goals driven and experienced. She is caring and virtuous, but also more mature and experienced than Avenger, although she has never smoked, drunk, or done drugs either.   They do not realize that this is a trap, and they will never see it coming until it is too late…

The two heroines enter the scene studying their surroundings as they cautiously enter the hideout.  The two cannot decide how to approach this, and finally agree to split up and search, but to not engage the enemy.  With that, Majestic Maiden leaves Mystic Avenger and Mystic Avenger enters a nearby room.   The room is black, with a chair across from a cloaked figure sitting a chair and holding a serpent’s staff.  As Mystic Avenger looks around, she hears a disembodied voice coming from the cloaked figure sitting in the chair.

Voice:  “Hmhmhmhmhm, as expected, you have come.”

Avenger:  “Whose there?”

Voice:  “Why we do, we the new race of mankind.”

Avenger:  “Wait, you’re the Mind Invaders!”

Voice:  “Yes, we are the ones who are the future, and you must assimilate with us.”

Avenger:  (Shaking and nervous)  “Stay away from me.”

Avenger shoots a power blast in different directions trying to hit the voice, but of course, it is pointless.  The voice laughs as she pointlessly fights the air, but soon is hit by an invisible wave of energy and force to sit in the chair across the cloaked figure, its face a skeleton, making it look like death himself.  Avenger finds herself staring right at the cloaked figure as she struggles to free herself from the invisible bonds that are holding her arms to the chair.  She struggles and twists her body trying to escape but it is no use.
 
Avenger:  “Majestic Maiden, hurry, help me! They are trying to turn me into one of them!”

Voice:  “You are trembling already?  Don’t worry; soon you will tremble with pleasure.”

Voice:  “Now, look right into the eyes of the serpent staff.”

Avenger struggles but finds she is unable to look away from the eyes of the staff.  We hear a hissing sound, as if the snake is calling to her.  The hissing gets louder as Avengers eyes grow wider and wider.  Her jaw opens a jar as she is draw deeper into the staff.  Her eyes soften to the gaze, letting her relax and being fully enveloped in the stare.

Voice:   “Now, obey the serpent...”

Avenger nods slightly as she stands.  A long and loud hiss creates a cigarette to appear in the mouth of Avenger and a song plays (Rob Zombie – Superbeast) as she lights up with the lighter sitting on the air of the chair and beings to strip sensually and smoke as she twists and turns her body and rubs her body to the rhythm of the music.  Avenger dances till she is completely nude and smokes her cigarette as she fingers herself.  As she does this, we see the staff’s eyes glow again, and a magical green shaft rises from the middle of the chair.  

Voice:  “Ride the serpent’s tail, and receive the Neuron Cells to become one of us.”

As Avenger sits on it, her eyes and mouth jolt open in shock as she begins to ride the shaft.  She holds the cigarette to her side as she thrusts up and down, moving and swaying her hips back and forth, rolling her shoulders forward and back as she continues to smoke and rides.  We hear the occasional hiss of a serpent and as the music dies down we begin to hear a chant from what seems like a choir of disembodied voices.  

Voices:  “Za Za, Za Za, a doom a for a Za Za.”

Avenger soon archs her back, eyes rolling in her head, her mouth gaped as she gaps and moans like she is having her mind erased but can’t seem to fully find her breath.  The chanting continues as Avenger comes closer to orgasm, moaning louder and fidgeting more and more as she feels the blackness of this thing consume her mind.  Just then, Majestic Maiden comes running in, but is quickly stopped by an invisible wall.  She calls to Avenger, banging on the invisible wall.  

Avenger:   “Ahhhh…help….me…..ahhhh god….I…don’t…want…to be….one …of…them…”

Avengers cry for help is mixed with her moaning and shock of what is going on.  She gasps as she looks at the eyes of the cloaked figures face.  With a loud hiss, his eyes lit up as they connect with Avengers, both turning blood red.  Avenger slowly closes her mouth and straightens her back.  When the light fades, she manages a small, slight, sinister smile as she takes a long drag of her cigarette.  The chanting stops, and so does her riding as sits back in the seat, wearing the face of pleasured and satisfied sexual encounter as she smokes.

Voice:  “Welcome to our race, Avenger.”

Avenger:  “Hmmm, it has been a long time coming.  I would have given myself to you earlier if I knew it felt so good.”

Majestic Maiden stares in disbelief as Avenger stares at the figure across from her like a lustful lover, smoking her cigarette and finding satisfaction in being with the figure.  Majestic Maiden quickly leaves the room, hoping to find a way to get a message to the others.  She gets to the next room when Avenger appears in front of her, smiling as she walks closer to Maiden.  

Maiden:  “Avenger, please, snap out of it, don’t make me do this.”

Avenger:  “The only thing you will be doing is joining us, Majestic Maiden.”

Maiden begins to put up a struggle with Avenger, trying to gain the upper hand long enough to ward her off.  But Avenger has newfound strength, and she gives Maiden a fight for her life.  Maiden is thrown against the wall as Avenger lights another cigarette and plants a knee to the wall on the side of Maiden, holding her against the wall.  Maiden is weary as Avenger smiles, holding the cigarette close to her shoulder.

Avenger:  “Stop resisting us.  Just succumb…and enjoy…”

Avenger smiles as she takes a long drag and then kisses Maiden.  Maiden slowly falls into a trance as Avenger begins to dance around her sexually, smoking and stripping her down to nothing as Maiden stands in a trance and follows Avengers eyes as she moves around.  After she is completely nude, she begins to ride Maiden via the Dancer sex position. She does this all to a disembodied song (Dope- Let’s Fuck) as she dances, rides, grinds, and tempts Maiden until it is over.  She then leads Maiden to the sofa where she lays Maiden down and injects a “serpent’s tail” (green shaft that acts like a dildo but its SFX) and lights Maiden a cigarette of her own.  Maiden, still helpless in her trance, enthralled in Avengers eyes, accepts the cigarette and takes long deep drags and long streams of smoke as she lets Avenger go to town.  

Avenger:  “Don’t worry, the master wants to change the legendary Maiden himself.  I am just going to steal all of your will, and corrupt your soul.”

Maiden:  “Sounds…great…”  (Monotone softly)

Avenger continues this for a bit, as Maiden continues to smoke and Avenger have sex.  Soon she lets Maiden ride her with a Lap Dance position (Maiden faces away from Avenger) for a bit, letting Maiden lean back against Avenger, smoking and moaning as she falls deeper into the sexual passion.  After a bit of this, Avenger stands her up and tells her to follow her.  They appear back into the room with the cloak figure and chair.  

Avenger:  “Here she is, all ready to be ours.”

Voice:   “The legendary Maiden will be a critical addition to our army.  Come, and let us take over your mind.”

Maiden:  “With pleasure…”  (Monotone softly)

Maiden sits in the chair and stares into the serpent’s eyes.  Again, a brilliant flash creates a fresh cigarette and a giant green serpent’s tail shaft through the chair and into Maiden.  Unlike Avenger, Maiden’s experience here is smoother and more rhythmic, as Maiden smokes and leans back, letting her hips roll forward and back as she leans back and smokes.  She declares how wonderful the seed feels going in, and even arches her back and lets the cigarette hang from her mouth as the hissing sound fills the room, followed by the chanting.  As the hissing and chanting get louder, Avenger comes over and rubs Maiden’s tits, coaxing her to just let go and give in.  Suddenly, Maiden begins to moan, sighing and moaning as she rolls her eyes back and rolling her head, as if she feels uncomfortable yet orgasmic at the same time.  She stares at the cloaked figures eyes as a brilliant red flash fills both of their eyes.  When it fades, Maiden smiles with the cigarette hanging from her mouth.  She smiles as she pulls it away from her mouth and lets out the smoke.  

Voice:  “You girls are both ours now.  It is time you go and spread our cells to your super friends.”
Maiden:  “It would be our pleasure, master.”

The scene ends as we see Maiden and Avenger, side by side, smoking on their cigarette, smiling into the camera as the chant leads the camera fading.  

THE END
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Re: Seduction by the Mind Invaders

Swampy170
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Some of the dialogue is really pretty good, perhaps a little more work on the villain's dialogue.

The story's got great pace - maybe Avenger could take a little longer to submit though.
swampy170@gmail.com
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Re: Seduction by the Mind Invaders

Nightx1221
You think?  Hmmm, come to think of it, the induction is a little short isn't?  What kind of ways could I draw it that are different.  Also, any tricks on making good villain dialogue, I feel everything has been said before and the old school lines are a bit cheesy.  Any ideas of how to script a good bad guy dialogue?
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Re: Seduction by the Mind Invaders

Swampy170
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This post was updated on .
It's not bad as it is, just I think some small changes will make it even better.

I've taken the first back and forth with Avenger, and changed it to how I would do the villain's dialogue. I tend to follow a "keep it simple" philosopy when writing villain's dialogue.

Voice:  “Hmhmhmhmhm, You have come... this was expected”
As you can see, I changed the order, it makes the villain sound a little weird - you want to set them apart from how people would talk normally
Avenger:  “Who's there?”
Voice:  “We are many, we are humankind.”
Avenger:  “Wait, you’re the Mind Invaders!”
Voice:  “Yes, we are the future - you will assimilate.”
Avenger:  (Shaking and nervous)  “Stay away from me.”
Avenger:  “Majestic Maiden, hurry, help me! They are trying to turn me into one of them!”
Voice:  “You are trembling?  Do not worry, soon you will tremble with pleasure.”
Voice:  “You will look upon the serpent staff.”
Avenger: "No, never!"
Voice:   “Now, obey the serpent...”

Not massive changes, quite subtle - but developing the villain to have its own character, something a little different.


As for how to extend the Avenger's downfall, instead of having a wave push her into a chair she could struggle with an invisible villain who eventually forces her into the chair after a brief struggle.

Also she needs to fight against the mind control, she tries to close her eyes and look away - succeding a few times, but some invisible force makes her look.
swampy170@gmail.com
supercustoms.blogspot.com